Helaine Harris

Tired of Repeating the Same Mistakes in Love?

So many people come to me hungry for love and relationship. Some search endlessly for someone to love them, make them feel good, happy, connected and to fill their emptiness.

Yet they have put up so many barriers and protections concerning love because of previous hurt, rejection, abandonment and betrayal.

It is so sad to me that most people don’t really understand the nature of love.

I, too, have searched for love for many years and did years of therapy, healing work, shamanic work, spiritual work and anything I could to get to love. Much to my amazement, I really did find love.

The truth is that the very core of who we are is LOVE.

The more we search for love from others, the more we are focused on our lack of love, or Love deprivation. Guess what! Then that is what we attract – more love deprivation.

Energy goes where you put your attention. So if you want love, focus on LOVE.

If you don’t have the partner you want to love you in the way you want, practice loving you. Take good care of you. Eat food that nurtures your body and feels good. Do the type of exercise that fills you with good feelings. Okay. Sometimes we may not care to exercise, but you may feel great after. See movies you enjoy that pick you up instead of taking you down or into fear.

Most importantly, love wherever you can. Perhaps you have an animal, like a dog or a cat, whom you truly love. Play with them, laugh with them. They provide lots of nurturing and they don’t judge you.

Go out in nature. Enjoy it. What brings you comfort, peace or pleasure? Is it the mountains in spring, the beach at sunset or sunrise or perhaps the desert when flowers are in bloom. Nature often brings you closer to Spirit and that connection brings you closer to love.

So what can you do now if you are really tired of repeating the same mistakes you experienced in past relationships?

Here are just a few tips for your Journey to Love:

  1. Find something you enjoy now and allow yourself to feel love – a place in nature, a walk in the park, being with your favorite pet.
  2. Focus on what you enjoy and love in the morning and in the evening. Perhaps it is music, watching something funny or reading a touching story, whatever it is for you.
  3. Begin a Gratitude Journal and write down 3 to 5 items that bring this feeling of gratefulness. Being grateful is a step towards love.
  4. Have compassion for yourself, for what you have come through, for those difficult times. Yes, you survived them. You’re here now. Compassion and Gratitude bring in more of the feeling of love.
  5. Create a daily practice of loving what you are doing, loving who you are with and even loving and enjoying any task you are doing, or as many as possible. This is a practice that you can get better and better at. Alright, you don’t have to love preparing taxes, but you can enjoy and love calling a friend when you’re done. Create a positive reward for yourself.
  6. Make a list of your wonderful qualities or ask your friends to help you make a list. Post the list on your bathroom mirror or fridge.
  7. When some of your old negative feelings about love arise, do some tapping such as EFT or self-hypnosis on them. There are many ways to release these old feelings that create barriers to love. Find out about them and use them.
  8. If you can’t release negative feelings on your own successfully, get some help.

I know love is meant for everyone. Love is actually a choice. The first choice is to love yourself more.

The tips above are ones I actually practice myself. That doesn’t mean I feel love in every moment. But that is my desire and I do focus on getting to that feeling of love, compassion and Joy as much as possible.

Easy Stress Relieving Techniques

Having a multitude of techniques to cope with surviving stress is essential for daily life. Stress can become a bigger problem if you don’t have the tools to deal with it. It can contribute to high blood pressure, digestion problems, sleep issues and may even add to belly fat for some people.

Here are a few more techniques that are simple for you to use.

1. Soothing Scents
flowersMany of you may already know lavender is wonderful for calming the nerves. Some of the other scents that are also soothing are ylang, ylang, sweet orange and lemongrass. These can actually calm your nerves instantly by inhaling the aromas from these oils. Put a drop of lavender on your fingertips and massage your temples for a tension headache. It feels very soothing. Try adding a few drops of one of these essential oils to an unscented candle and light it. They smell heavenly and will calm your spirit in a short time.

2. Surrender in a Bath
Many years ago I was doing psychotherapy in a warm water pool. The effects were amazing. Hydrotherapy has been used for many years as a healing tool, as well as having restorative abilities. To add to your bath time and for surrendering stress, I suggest using bath salts, low lights or candle light, with special relaxing music and even light a healing or aromatherapy candle for added effect.

3. Visualize an Inner Vacation
Use any slow, deep breathing techniques and imagine the most calming peaceful place for you. It might be lying on a beach during a warm afternoon, listening to the seagulls and the gentle waves, and picturing on each outbreath as the waves moving out, the tension leaving your body. Or you might prefer imagining the mountains, and listening to the birds and a nearby river, as you smell pine trees with a gentle wind. Use any peaceful inner vacation area that works for you and brings you peace, relaxation and perhaps, even joy!

4. Use Acupressure
Stress can create serious aches and pains in the body. Sometimes it helps to apply pressure to certain meridian points on the body. I learned these from a reflexologist and from energy Medicine. The energy channels may get blocked from stress or anxiety and this can cause pain or even illness. There are several points I especially like using to alleviate stress. Hold each of the points with the index and middle finger for 30 seconds. The first point is on the little finger side of the forearm at the wrist. Do it on both wrists. It releases headaches, stress and anxiety. The second one is the third eye point between the eyebrows, where the bridge of the nose is indented. It actually calms the body and relieves that anxious feeling. The third point I like to use is in the center of the breastbone. It also calms tension and other emotional imbalances. I find the 3 points work well together when you take the time.


Learn more about our complementary upcoming Stress and Anxiety Group Healing Call here.

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