Love & Relationships

Tired of Repeating the Same Mistakes in Love?

So many people come to me hungry for love and relationship. Some search endlessly for someone to love them, make them feel good, happy, connected and to fill their emptiness.

Yet they have put up so many barriers and protections concerning love because of previous hurt, rejection, abandonment and betrayal.

It is so sad to me that most people don’t really understand the nature of love.

I, too, have searched for love for many years and did years of therapy, healing work, shamanic work, spiritual work and anything I could to get to love. Much to my amazement, I really did find love.

The truth is that the very core of who we are is LOVE.

The more we search for love from others, the more we are focused on our lack of love, or Love deprivation. Guess what! Then that is what we attract – more love deprivation.

Energy goes where you put your attention. So if you want love, focus on LOVE.

If you don’t have the partner you want to love you in the way you want, practice loving you. Take good care of you. Eat food that nurtures your body and feels good. Do the type of exercise that fills you with good feelings. Okay. Sometimes we may not care to exercise, but you may feel great after. See movies you enjoy that pick you up instead of taking you down or into fear.

Most importantly, love wherever you can. Perhaps you have an animal, like a dog or a cat, whom you truly love. Play with them, laugh with them. They provide lots of nurturing and they don’t judge you.

Go out in nature. Enjoy it. What brings you comfort, peace or pleasure? Is it the mountains in spring, the beach at sunset or sunrise or perhaps the desert when flowers are in bloom. Nature often brings you closer to Spirit and that connection brings you closer to love.

So what can you do now if you are really tired of repeating the same mistakes you experienced in past relationships?

Here are just a few tips for your Journey to Love:

  1. Find something you enjoy now and allow yourself to feel love – a place in nature, a walk in the park, being with your favorite pet.
  2. Focus on what you enjoy and love in the morning and in the evening. Perhaps it is music, watching something funny or reading a touching story, whatever it is for you.
  3. Begin a Gratitude Journal and write down 3 to 5 items that bring this feeling of gratefulness. Being grateful is a step towards love.
  4. Have compassion for yourself, for what you have come through, for those difficult times. Yes, you survived them. You’re here now. Compassion and Gratitude bring in more of the feeling of love.
  5. Create a daily practice of loving what you are doing, loving who you are with and even loving and enjoying any task you are doing, or as many as possible. This is a practice that you can get better and better at. Alright, you don’t have to love preparing taxes, but you can enjoy and love calling a friend when you’re done. Create a positive reward for yourself.
  6. Make a list of your wonderful qualities or ask your friends to help you make a list. Post the list on your bathroom mirror or fridge.
  7. When some of your old negative feelings about love arise, do some tapping such as EFT or self-hypnosis on them. There are many ways to release these old feelings that create barriers to love. Find out about them and use them.
  8. If you can’t release negative feelings on your own successfully, get some help.

I know love is meant for everyone. Love is actually a choice. The first choice is to love yourself more.

The tips above are ones I actually practice myself. That doesn’t mean I feel love in every moment. But that is my desire and I do focus on getting to that feeling of love, compassion and Joy as much as possible.

The Gift of Loving

When I was younger, I kept waiting for someone to love me the way I wanted to be loved. Needless to say, I was often pretty miserable and unhappy.

Most of my life’s journey has been about finding love; the right partner to love me, to have my children love me, to feel loved by my parents. Actually, I wanted everyone to love me. I was always grateful for my sister who has always loved me, even though I was a bratty kid at times.

After many years of psychotherapy, healing work and shamanic work, I’ve come to a very different place about love.

Love is the core of who we really are in the very center of our Being. It is our nature, our essence. Our journey in life for many is about being willing to love in spite of the pain, the wounds, the heartbreak, the violations, the betrayals we’ve experienced. Yes, I’ve experienced all of those, just like many of you.

It is a choice to let down our walls and our barriers of so-called protections that make us feel more alone and isolated. There really are safe ways and places to go on that journey to Love with teachers and facilitators who can hold that heart space for us.valentine-tree10-01-111413-2799.eps

Healing and transforming those wounds so we can experience that feeling of love is miraculous to me. My journey has shown me that if we want love, we choose to love no matter what happens. That doesn’t mean allowing people to treat us badly. It means we choose to be around more positive, caring, nurturing, reciprocating people who want to be with us.

It means we focus on love, that sweetness, tenderness, the feeling of a baby in our arms smelling of baby powder, or nuzzling a puppy, or the beauty of majestic trees as they touch the sky at sunset. I sometimes feel like I’m looking at a God painting when I experience the beauty in nature. Waterfalls tumbling down rocks, the coolness of the water during a hike and enjoying the laughter of children playing, my grandson playing – this is God and love to me.

When we allow ourselves to open so deeply to Spirit and the Celestial realm, we hear the angels playing music inside us, the rhythms and sound of tenderness touching our soul to continue that awakening; that joyous opening in our Being, for which I am so deeply grateful

I hear in my head, “She walks in beauty and Grace.” And I feel compassion and grace inside me. I’m sitting here writing this after a very frustrating day of numerous things going wrong. And yet, I decided to do a healing group and start with one about love, since it’s almost Valentine’s Day. This is what emerged.

So I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes feeling how grateful I am for where I’m at now; the people in my life, my sister and her family, my daughters, my grandson, my son-in-law, my shaman, my coach, my friends, my assistant and intern, my virtual assistant team, and so many more who affect me.

Thank you for teaching me about the gift of loving no matter what occurs externally. The trials and tribulations of life are just practice to experience the gift of loving unconditionally no matter the circumstances.

Will you go on that journey of love with me? It’s really delightful and JOYOUS!

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