Tired of Repeating the Same Mistakes in Love?
So many people come to me hungry for love and relationship. Some search endlessly for someone to love them, make them feel good, happy, connected and to fill their emptiness.
Yet they have put up so many barriers and protections concerning love because of previous hurt, rejection, abandonment and betrayal.
It is so sad to me that most people don’t really understand the nature of love.
I, too, have searched for love for many years and did years of therapy, healing work, shamanic work, spiritual work and anything I could to get to love. Much to my amazement, I really did find love.
The truth is that the very core of who we are is LOVE.
The more we search for love from others, the more we are focused on our lack of love, or Love deprivation. Guess what! Then that is what we attract – more love deprivation.
Energy goes where you put your attention. So if you want love, focus on LOVE.
If you don’t have the partner you want to love you in the way you want, practice loving you. Take good care of you. Eat food that nurtures your body and feels good. Do the type of exercise that fills you with good feelings. Okay. Sometimes we may not care to exercise, but you may feel great after. See movies you enjoy that pick you up instead of taking you down or into fear.
Most importantly, love wherever you can. Perhaps you have an animal, like a dog or a cat, whom you truly love. Play with them, laugh with them. They provide lots of nurturing and they don’t judge you.
Go out in nature. Enjoy it. What brings you comfort, peace or pleasure? Is it the mountains in spring, the beach at sunset or sunrise or perhaps the desert when flowers are in bloom. Nature often brings you closer to Spirit and that connection brings you closer to love.
So what can you do now if you are really tired of repeating the same mistakes you experienced in past relationships?
Here are just a few tips for your Journey to Love:
- Find something you enjoy now and allow yourself to feel love – a place in nature, a walk in the park, being with your favorite pet.
- Focus on what you enjoy and love in the morning and in the evening. Perhaps it is music, watching something funny or reading a touching story, whatever it is for you.
- Begin a Gratitude Journal and write down 3 to 5 items that bring this feeling of gratefulness. Being grateful is a step towards love.
- Have compassion for yourself, for what you have come through, for those difficult times. Yes, you survived them. You’re here now. Compassion and Gratitude bring in more of the feeling of love.
- Create a daily practice of loving what you are doing, loving who you are with and even loving and enjoying any task you are doing, or as many as possible. This is a practice that you can get better and better at. Alright, you don’t have to love preparing taxes, but you can enjoy and love calling a friend when you’re done. Create a positive reward for yourself.
- Make a list of your wonderful qualities or ask your friends to help you make a list. Post the list on your bathroom mirror or fridge.
- When some of your old negative feelings about love arise, do some tapping such as EFT or self-hypnosis on them. There are many ways to release these old feelings that create barriers to love. Find out about them and use them.
- If you can’t release negative feelings on your own successfully, get some help.
I know love is meant for everyone. Love is actually a choice. The first choice is to love yourself more.
The tips above are ones I actually practice myself. That doesn’t mean I feel love in every moment. But that is my desire and I do focus on getting to that feeling of love, compassion and Joy as much as possible.
15 Tips to Reduce Stress
The goal in these stress tips is to learn how to manage the stress in your life. Use the tips that you resonate with the most.
1. Deep Breathing
This is a simple yet very effective relaxation method. Regularly take deep breaths, breathing out tension and breathing in relaxation. It is a core component of all yoga, Zen meditation and spiritual practices. There are a number of very useful specific breathing techniques just to release stress from the body. Here are more breathing techniques. https://hzharris.com/all-resources/
2. Sleep
According to a National Consumers League survey, about 60 percent of people who are stressed say they don’t get enough sleep. For those of you who have difficulty falling asleep, it is very important to begin a soothing and calming bedtime routine. Take a nice, warm bath and find a light enjoyable novel to read prior to bedtime. Avoid watching action movies or the news before bedtime. Also avoid any stressful conversations prior to bedtime.
3. Warm Soothing Bath or Shower.
Use sandalwood incense and lavender oil in the bath or on your skin. Add a few candles and perhaps a good book or some classical music, and you’ll be well on your way to relaxation.
4. Reconnect with Your Spiritual Self
Reconnect with your Inner Guides, Higher Self or Inner Wisdom can help lower blood pressure. The very simple act of meditating or praying has helped many reduce stress. This may take practice to do regularly, but research has shown the benefits are tremendous.
5. Regular Exercise, Especially Walking
Exercise clears your mind and returns the body to a more healthy state. Even a 10-minute walk can decrease stress and anxiety. When you exercise, beta-endorphins (the body’s natural relaxants) are released. Endorphins counteract the stress hormones that are often raging through your body. Exercise gets your blood circulating, boosts your mood, and eases tension.
Exercise rids the body of excess energy it really can’t do anything about,” says Dr. Tara Cortes, clinical director of primary care at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York.
Studies also show that active people have a decreased risk of coronary heart disease, the number- one cause of death in the United States.
6. Yoga
Even one yoga class a week can cut levels of the stress hormone cortisol. This is reason enough to get you to a yoga class for your refreshing and rejuvenating workout. If all you need is simple relaxation, then find a yoga class to your liking that specializes in low-key hatha yoga or one of the restorative yoga classes. There are many types of yoga from which to choose.
7. Take a Vacation
If you don’t have the time or money to plan a fabulous excursion for a week, then a quick weekend getaway might suffice. Or plan a special event near your home, perhaps a stay vacation. All that’s necessary is that you spend an extended period of time not thinking about those stressful things, such as work, money, relationships—anything that makes you feel crazy, overwhelmed and stressed.
8. Call a Friend
Often things seem better after you talk to a really good friend. Friendship is as beneficial for your health as it is for your spirit. Researchers have found that having good friends helps lower blood pressure, relieves anxiety, and may even help you live longer. Many experts list friendship as the key factor in getting through stressful times.
9. Share Household Chores
Because you may not always get that needed acknowledgement, or pat on the back, other tactics can help. One way to get more help is to divvy up the chores. Dividing chores gets the whole family involved in running the household, says Craft-Rosenberg, the family studies professor from Iowa.
The resilience of a family is related to how well they can work together,”
she says. Even small children benefit because contributing makes them feel needed. Additionally, when others share the workload, there’s less pressure to get everything done at once.
10. Lighten or Change Your Workload
If work is creating a great deal of your stress, it might be time to talk to your boss, delegate tasks, or start looking for a new job. Keep in mind If work is making you crazy, you’re not alone. Work is the top source of stress in adults aged 18-54, according to the National Consumers League survey. Forty-six percent say it’s a problem. In the meantime find some ways to unwind after work. Sit quietly for 10 minutes before you start your evening. Play a favorite CD while fixing dinner. Or delegate your home chores so you can relax on weeknights instead of slaving over dinner. Or you can choose to occasionally pick up something special for dinner instead.
11. Forgive Someone
Studies found that those people who forgive others tended to have lower blood pressure than their less-forgiving peers. Perhaps it’s time to give up that grudge, if only to gain health benefits. It doesn’t mean you condone what others have done. Forgiveness is about releasing the negative and toxic energy built up in your by anger and resentment that is held inside of you.
12. Reduce Caffeine Intake
Drinking three or four cups of coffee every morning does more than wake you up. The caffeine raises your blood pressure and increases secretion of adrenaline, a stress hormone. In fact, the caffeine in your coffee cup imitates and even exaggerates the body’s response to stress. The effects of caffeine last for hours after drinking it.
13. Take Twenty Minutes
Whether you’re a doctor, lawyer or an at-home mom, giving yourself time to unwind is vital for de-stressing your life. Taking 20 minutes for yourself won’t solve all of life’s problems, but it gives you a chance to feel calmer and find clarity. Whether you need a nap, a bath, or a quiet place to look at the trees or to read a book, make sure the time is spent doing exactly what you want to do.
14. Make Love
Whether you prefer cuddling with your honey or the act itself, sex is a wonderful time-tested stress reliever, and it’s well worth taking the time to do it. It also brings you a deeper connection and comfort with someone that really can shift your energy.
15. Join the Surviving Stress and Anxiety Online Group Healing Call
Living in these stressful times, it is important to have tools to release stress and anxiety in the moment. Part of the focus during this group healing will be for you to come away with tools you can use on your own.
Learn more and register here: https://hzharris.com/upcomingprograms/
10 Tips for Emotional Spring Cleaning
Spring has sprung! Now is the time to clean house, not only outside, but our inner house as well. This is the place where our emotions, attitudes and beliefs reside – you know what I mean, the place inside us from which we run our entire lives. Now is the time to take an inventory of all your behaviors and patterns such as negative self-talk, unproductive thinking and words we express, and all that baggage of emotional past experiences. This requires sorting out, just like when we physically clean our environment. What do we want to keep, to throw away and to give away.
In the Christian tradition, Lent prepares people to clean out prior to celebrating Easter. In the Jewish tradition, one month prior to Passover, everything is cleaned out. Many of the major religions talk about the necessity of purifying to make room for a rebirth, resurrection, mating in springtime, a spiritual awakening or enjoying a playful spring recess. This certainly is a time to refresh from the inside out.
Think in terms of your body being your Inner Temple and your home being your Outer Temple. Let’s continue with cleansing your Inner Temple.
- Center Yourself: To decide what to keep of your values, beliefs, memories of past experiences, messages you were taught, and behaviors in which you engage, it is wise to quiet yourself and take a few moments to meditate. Allow the silence to be your teacher. Have your journal by your side to record your thoughts and progress. Then ask your inner self – or better yet, your Higher Self – “Which behavior patterns and emotional reactions are not serving me now?” Then listen inside. Some of you receive images, words, statements, a sound, or a moving picture to represent your answers. Write and write, without editing or questioning. Just bear witness to what comes through you.
- Now that your list is complete, notice what emotions and reactions occur. Separate your list into sections, if you desire. For example, some categories might be: Negative Self-Talk, “Excuses I Make”, “I Can’ts”, “Procrastination Areas”, “If only’s”, “Excessive Emotions like Anger, Resentments I Hold Onto” and you may find it best for you to create your own categories. Be aware of how your buttons get pushed.
- Make a list of positive messages, emotions and responses you would rather experience in your life. Include your list of what you could do to feel more empowered. These might be in the form of affirmations or choice statements.
- You’re ready to create a new goal list. Perhaps two to four goals for each emotional issue you wish to release. Decide on which emotional baggage you want to release or shift first. Number the rest of the negative beliefs or reactions that emerged so you have the order of what you want to deal with when ready.
- Select the method or technique you wish to use to release these old reactions. Some of the best methods for releasing negative emotions are EFT, Self-hypnosis, Reichian work, and if it’s one of the biggies connected to the fear and anger of abuse, EMDR may be the method of choice, in which case it’s important to work with a therapist. For some issues, like everyday anger, it might be a cognitive method such as, “Count to 10 when I get angry before speaking or doing something.” Or, “I will write in my journal until the emotion subsides.”
- Decide on a time frame for working with each emotional issue. Remember: since releasing negative emotions is not like doing a physical housecleaning item, your time frame needs to be flexible. Be gentle on yourself.
- Notice the underlying fears, concerns or issues that arise as you change your behavior. Then you may need to address these aspects as they come up.
- Evaluate your progress. You may choose to evaluate weekly or monthly. You decide what works best for you. Are there tangible differences in your behavior?
- Create a Win List and write on it every time you do something positive toward a behavior change.
- Reward yourself by a simple pat on the back. Or, find another way to reward yourself that feels good inside. When I’ve worked on and accomplished something that is personally challenging, I reward myself with a break and talking to a friend. How can you reward you in a meaningful way?
Here is a positive choice statement that might work for you. Try it – you might like it.
I choose to totally and fully take charge of my emotional reactions and behavior patterns. I delight in my new, positive beliefs and behaviors as I open to a joyful and magnificent life!